Christ Has Risen… and So Have My Blood Sugar Levels
By Ellen Lundy
Christmas. Easter. Pancake Tuesday. Why is it that whenever something happens to Jesus, or is about to happen to him, I gain half a stone and a fear of ever seeing Lindt chocolate again? I genuinely don’t understand how giant eggs made out of chocolate became our way of celebrating the Resurrection. And why chocolate in giant egg form tastes so much better than regular chocolate.
Every Easter Sunday, I become ravenous. An egg cannot be opened without being finished. My religion becomes a Dairy Milk easter egg, and Mini Eggs are the apostles to whom I offer my undivided devotion.
But, genuinely, are we not missing the point of Easter? Christmas, I understand. It’s Jesus’ birthday. We all get presents on his birthday. It’s lousy, granted. But at least it’s on theme.
What does the Resurrection of God’s only son, brought back from the dead to save us from eternal sin and damnation, have in common with chocolate that gives the illusion it was laid by a concerningly large chicken?
Don’t get me wrong, I love me an easter egg.
And don’t get me started on the thrill of the hunt. Gathered around the cornucopia. We wait. Countdown from 10. Any false starts will be punished. Death by chocolate. When the horn sounds, it’s every man for himself. I don’t care that I’m 22 and the 5 year old might not be big enough to reach the egg hidden on the top shelf. To succeed in the hunt, it is essential that you learn your own strengths and the weaknesses of others and adapt your strategy accordingly.
Victorious and glucose levels spiked to a concerning level, I rest in peace surrounded by my spoils of war.
As I lie on the brink of a chocolate induced coma, I begin to wonder if the slightly pudgy, blood thirsty animal that I become each Easter Sunday reflects the true meaning of the Resurrection. While you can’t say my blood sugar levels rising is not on theme, I fear I am taking advantage of my sin guilt-free pass that I am reminded exists every Easter.
Because Easter should be about family. Friends. Loving thy neighbour.
However, what is loving thy neighbour? Because in my family, nothing is more special than turning relatively simple and non-competitive tasks into an episode of SAS: Who Dares Wins.
So, whilst some of my Easter habits are not exactly on theme, I suppose I cannot be too hard on myself. I did go off chocolate for Lent (though I did break it 3 and a half times). I deserve one day of going all out.
Maybe next year I’ll take it easier on the chocolate and focus more on the lessons learnt from Lent and the fresh start that Easter brings.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m already thinking about what Easter Egg I’m going to get next year. Sorry, I fear this Easter monster has gone too far for salvation.
