What do you mean I have to cancel my vacation to Slave Land?
By Caitlín Small
Thousands of tourists were left devastated this week after learning that the Middle Eastern conflict is not considerate of palm tree islands, mega-malls and travel plans.
Somewhere in Bristol, a marketing executive / hopeful expat is pulling his transplanted hair out on the phone with Expedia, scrambling for a refund for his trip to Dubai. He is objectively having the worst week out of everyone involved. Thoughts and prayers.
Poor chump, no infinity pool for you, it seems. All for what? A few missiles? Very inconsiderate on Iran’s behalf, frankly. It’s not like Dubai has wronged anyone. It’s the perfect city. Not like whatever Syria or Yemen has going on, and just as Dubai lacks taxes, so too it lacks violence. Or, well, violence you can see, I suppose. It just so happens that it was built by people unable to leave it! But sure, they chose to go there. It’s their fault. That minor detail tends to be scratched off the travel brochure; apparently, withholding immigrant workers’ passports doesn’t photograph well… something to do with the lighting.
It is, ultimately, the Westerner’s God-given right to spend some time out in the capitalist’s desert. First, as per his birthright, he shall fly over the active warzone whilst sipping an expensive glass of Chablis, served a meal spanning multiple courses, and upon demand, receive a hot towel. Then, after his comfortable snooze, touch down in a consequence-free paradise. A bit cheeky for the conflict to interrupt this. Très inconsiderate.
I mean, what about his aristocratic cosplay? He’s been practicing it for ages; he even bought the cashmere. To be waited on night and day by the modern slave for a fortnight was his dream; he could have died happy after this. And now he has had to cancel. Great, just great.
The marketing exec is grieving, not for the lives lost or the geopolitical breakdown. He grieves the experience ripped away from him. There’s a GoFundMe to buy him tissues, which I suggest we all donate to.
