Unlearning romantic hierarchy : why friendship and platonic bonds should matter the most
By Arianne Guillemot
“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling that you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
Being single can be a real burden for many. It usually comes with commentaries, unwanted and intrusive questions or advice, and sometimes a feeling of loneliness, of “void”. I have myself been the kind to jump from one relationship to another. Whether it was crushes, dates, situationships or relationships, I was never really alone. That realisation made me reflect because it looked like I was running away from singlehood, from myself. So I decided to confront it and discovered the single life.
At first, I was tempted to look for someone again, to “fill the void”. But I failed ; and this failure first felt like a blow but eventually became an opportunity to experience a new kind of love : platonic love. Platonic love can be defined as a relationship that is loving but not sexual[1]. Despite its definition as a valid form of love, platonic love is not mainstream nor romanticised. Instead, it is the funny, supportive second character in the movie, not the main one. It is the friends you’ll text here and there when you get old, not the end goal.
But what if it was not mere meetings and a few texts or calls, what if platonic bonds were the ultimate goal? To have a friendship, a bond so strong that it is what you wish will last, what you hope and pray for more than a marriage or a child. I fear that, especially as a woman, I have this unnamed expectation to marry and have kids. To find a prince charming who will make my life a rollercoaster. To be ultimately a good, devoted partner and mother.
But the more I grow, the more I realise it is not what I truly aim at. This unnamed expectation can be rooted in many origins, the patriarchal system or the heteronormative narratives we are taught to believe are the norm, can be one. Developing my friendships rather than seeking a relationship has been eye-opening. By doing this exercise, you will likely find what genuinely interests you.
I now know I prefer spending hours on a couch, talking about politics, love, fashion and laughing at the stupidest jokes on earth than having to text goodmorning and goodnight and go on romantic dates.
Indeed, friendships are meant to be more balanced than romantic interests, less energy and time-consuming. Focusing on them gives you, by extension, spare time for yourself. Furthermore, you may not believe it is relevant, but I found by experience that the more I spent time with people I chose carefully, and to whom I dedicated actual time, the better I was feeling.
It will also sharpen your social skill and might start a virtuous circle in which you meet more and more people that match who you are. That fulfils me to a greater extent than a relationship. It does take up some of my time and energy but the nature of the relationship being different and coming with different expectations, allows me to actually develop a stronger and better relationship with myself. And although I think we all cherish our friendships, I am unsure everyone does actually prioritise them over their romantic interests.
I think that prioritising platonic bounds has many virtues, overall I would say it is a great way to get comfortable with being lonely, it enhances your ability to truly connect with people, and develop a healthier approach to love and potential partners. I am not preaching a life of loneliness but rather a peace of mind in relation to love and an exhilaration when it comes to friends. Think of it as an uninterested curiosity to people, be eager to know them, to spend time with them and you may end up with lifelong friendships that will fill you with so much love you won’t realise you do not have a partner!
Love is all around, it does not have to be romantic for it to be true love. I am in love (platonically) with my friends. I find them beautiful, funny, cool, brilliant, I do adore them, but I do not fancy them, and this difference, while seeming fundamental to some, actually is just slight. It does not change the accuracy of love, only its nature.
References
1 – Cambridge University Press (2026) Platonic. In: Cambridge Dictionary. Available at : (Accessed 05/02/2026)
