You Don’t Win Anything for Punishing Yourself.

Purity Culture and the Good Worker.

By Caitlin Small

Today, we largely regard society as having a secularised outlook on life. What we do is for ourselves, for our benefit, to reach some sense of achievement or enlightenment, not for God. So, then it must be asked, why does the atheistic (or agnostic) individual punish themselves? They lack the shame or guilt inflicted by the fear of God, no celestial authority demanding their penance, yet self-surveillance thrives. The answer to this query lies in the fact that the paternal, ever-looming judge is no longer God; it is the State. Capitalism remains successful because it does not require belief; it only needs compliance, a much broader prerequisite.

Rest has always been suspicious. For millennia, we have had the fear of being branded as slothful, but now we “lock in” or “turn our lives around” at 21, a life that has barely begun. It is instilled in us that we have a limited time on this earth, and to not utilise that time contravenes a moral ideal. Time is scarce, finite and morally charged. To waste it is not just silly of us, but wrong. As such, the manner in which we spend that time has reinforced a social hierarchy among us, and we can see this in the rise of subcultures that quietly promote it.

Be the clean girl. Go to Pilates before work. Wake up at 5 – and most importantly, take a photo for us all to see and feel guilty for not partaking. You cannot want too much or be too loud, you must exist in quiet minimalism. Whether you call this wellness or discipline, the overarching aim is clear. To be pure is to no longer be good; it is to be productive, palatable to those whom you regard as your equals. Work until your bones ache, until you feel as though you have achieved something special that separates you from your friends. A driving force to do it all over again tomorrow.

This is why purity culture is still so useful. When we internalise this belief that suffering somehow refines us into better people, we stop questioning what system demands such personal conditions. With all this said, it must be acknowledged that purity culture holds women to a higher standard than men. Whilst it is true that the attractive man is successful, their ambition is never regarded as overzealous. They may sweat openly, swear abrasively, and ravish their peers’ partners whilst climbing the greasy pole. Should she pursue the track of the career woman, she must be attractive while doing so. She accepts that she must smile while studying, wake up earlier to do her makeup, and sleep uncomfortably with her hair in rollers. This labour is not rewarded however, as it is simply expected, a natural condition of the woman.

With that in mind, we ask that in the end, what was it all for? We only have one life; that point has been made. Old age can be graceful, but we cannot escape biology. Our joints will ache, and our skin shall sag and as a result, aging may be perceived as a strange somatic payback for the wonderful youth we have the privilege to enjoy. If this is inevitable, then why are we so hellbent on punishing ourselves throughout its entirety? What is there to gain? Perhaps a comfortable pension to enjoy for a few years? Maybe a tasteful apartment in sunny Salou. A nice bed in which to die.

So. Laugh and sing. Smudge your eyeliner and roll out of bed at 1pm from time to time. We all indulge one way or another; who cares whether that is by dancing till 2am on a Friday night, eating poorly, loving impulsively, or even doing nothing at all. The difference between this and acting performatively “clean” is that at least these aforementioned pleasures admit to what they are.

There is nothing really noble in stretching yourself thin as a young person in their final years of freedom. No superiority in unwarranted exhaustion. No quiet triumph in burning out before 30. If our youth is brief, so too is our timeframe to act foolishly and do as we please. By surrendering that time willingly, for a system that will not remember us is a show of obedience. And no matter how aesthetically pleasing you can make such obedience, it will never compare to the real thing of a life lived freely, even carelessly, on your own terms.