Dating in Our Generation : Consumerism or Genuine Love?
By Arianne Guillemot
“Situationship”, “hookup culture”, “ghosting”, “how to make him/her crazy in 5 steps”, “how to”, “how not to”, “5 things you should never do” … and so on and so on. Dating in our generation can easily feel exhausting or overwhelming.
With social media it feels like there is an unstoppable flow of information and rules coming our way that makes it maddening to date. In the span of fifteen seconds, you can encounter a video explaining how you should never seem too interested and another giving you five great questions to ask to seem interested and interesting.
On top of that, social media and our growing dependency on them creates also a will to consume more and get more dopamine. Whether it is with dating apps that can make dating an online supermarket, or just the general tendency of going for intense and short relationships, dating is a very particular experience nowadays.
In the middle of this frenzy, finding out what it is you truly desire can feel hard, or even impossible. I will try with this piece and my opinion on the topic to help anyone interested in finding out how to date in this generation, to find the right tools.
To write this piece, I started by asking my closest friends what they were looking for in a relationship right now. I did not expect a majority answer but got one; most wanted “something casual”, that still felt special and intimate, sometimes exclusive but without pressure.
When reading this you may think of two things to yourself, either: “wow, this is exactly how I would put it myself”, or “this seems pretty paradoxical”. After hearing this answer three times, I felt a mix of both of these reactions. The more I heard it the more it felt really contradictory.
It led me to reflect on the reason why such conflicting expectations in relationships wrestled within my own mind and psyche. After a few days, I realized that, for me, it was because I was trying to fit in the socially accepted dating behavior.
With the mass of content suggesting me to “attract, not chase”, never “double text” or reply too quickly, to detach to attract because of the law of attraction or detachment, it felt like I was expected to act with a certain level of “nonchalance”, that I did not have. I am a person that cares, deeply, that feels, deeply and trying to fit in this felt conflicting, almost like I was betraying myself.
In my opinion, social media, reality TV and trends have damaged our will to connect sincerely. We are shown daily, whether we want it or not, content that promotes short relations. We are taught to consume, even in human relations. Even if dating apps may be a way to find a long-term relationship, I am sure that the majority of people using them want many short relationships. Social media by promoting these standards when dating does not promote healthy long-lasting relationships. I do not believe that you can create one with someone you are afraid to “double text”. And reality TV shows us these crazy passionate relations that feel very serious but last very short.
It feels conflicting because it is. And some people might want this and actually prefer something not serious. Either way, it is completely fine but to make sure that it is truly what we desire, I believe that distancing ourselves from this flood of opinions can be a good way to find our own.
What I would like to convey today is that being “chalant” is cool, caring is cool, there is no such thing as too much attention with the right person, and dating should feel peaceful, fulfilling and fun, not stressful. The more I look at these words, the more foolish they seem and the less they make sense. The only advice I want to give is to not pressure yourself into a lifestyle that does not fit who you are, because it will not make you happy. And who knows, not dating can be a good reason to date yourself!
