“It gets quite depressing” – A love/hate letter to Hinge, ‘the dating app designed to be deleted’.
By Ana Lǎzǎruț
Hinge was somewhat of a mythical realm to me for the past few years. It seemed a place where all the singles of the city woo each other, and it’s all spontaneity and fun and casual. And I was experiencing a very watered-down version through my friends’ profiles, when they would ask for advice or want to show me a particularly jarring message someone had sent. And this reputation as a mythic land not privy to me came not only from the severe disappointment and dejection of people I knew using Hinge, but also from my being in a relationship.
But alas! While the days were back getting shorter and with the new school year on the horizon, my circumstances had changed. And so, with about as much courage as I could muster, I decided to delve into the deep dark world of online dating. And so I downloaded Hinge.
(Spoiler – I deleted it (the “dating app designed to be deleted” [1]) after one date and two weeks of swiping.)
I naïvely thought that being on Hinge would feel like being Samantha or Miranda (from Sex and the City) in New York, going on many-a-date with many-a-handsome-man, all sheer audacity and sex appeal. But I had seemed to neglect the fact that, whilst Belfast can resemble the Big Apple if you squint your eyes and spin a few times so that you are completely nauseous and cannot distinguish your lefts from your rights, Hinge was perhaps (unsurprisingly) an awful soul-sucking demon disguised as a quaint little dating app because of how easy it makes dating!
Whilst I agree that Hinge does make the actual going-on-dates part really easy, everything else severely lags behind. And when you’ve just stepped out of a relationship and into this lawless land of prompts and roses and whatnot, it all feels a bit pointless and stupid.
In the simplest possible terms, Hinge, to me, is extremely overwhelming and competitive and feels a bit too much as though I am begging for the attention of men. I am hesitant in saying that I am begging, since the very design of the app balances the playing field, if you will, so that men are vying for the attention of other men, or for other women, and women for men, or other women.
But it’s all still a bit too “pick me please I swear I am deeply cool and interesting even though I have had to water-down my entire personality into three prompts and six photos where you see how candid and beautiful I am; but also how funny; but also how serious; but also how spontaneous; but also did you see how many friends I have and how well-rounded and normal I am?”
It just goes on and on and on. And then you are moving through one soulless conversation to the next. But you are pretending (or maybe refusing to acknowledge) that we are all doing it to each other at the very same time, and then ranking each other based on short conversations. It exhausts itself pretty quickly.
But was it a me thing? I am the only one who finds this all too messy and a bit too much? Am I the only one pining for a meet-cute? For longing and yearning in-person? For spontaneous dating that is not restricted to a tiny screen? Is this all there is? Please, God, let this not be all there is!
The short answer is no, I am not alone in this.
And here’s the long answer:
Ana: Tell me about why you decided to download Hinge? How do you find it?
Anonymous: Honestly, I found that it was really hard to meet guys organically, at clubs, pubs, etc. They just don’t tend to approach you, and when they do, it’s usually because they only want one thing: to be cliché about it. So I kind of felt it was the only way to talk to guys and actually go on dates rather than one-night stands.
Ana: How do you feel about having access to multiple people at the same time, and messaging them, and being aware that they are messaging other people (with a romantic pretence)?
Anonymous: I lowkey hate it. I often go through a Hinge purge where I’ll deactivate for a while and then redownload. It’s always fun for a few weeks, and then it just makes me feel sad. It’s just a lot of pointless conversation where you’re desperately trying to seem cool enough for someone who is also desperately trying to seem cool to ask you to participate in real life with them. But you’re doing it with multiple people at once. It gets quite depressing.
Ana: Is it difficult to get to the date stage when using Hinge? Is there something hindering it?
Anonymous: The app’s design certainly doesn’t hinder going on dates. They actually send you reminders to meet up and whatever. I feel it really establishes itself as just being a jumping-off point to get some other contact information from someone you’re interested in. So the app doesn’t hinder getting in-person dates. The men do!
Ana: Any other thoughts on online dating and the dating scene in Belfast?
Anonymous: I don’t think the serious relationship scene is great, but I think the ‘having a bit of fun’ scene is alive and thriving. I think that’s just part of being in college, though, not exactly Belfast-specific. Most people I meet aren’t looking for serious relationships, and I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing at our age.”
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