“Who’s the man?”: Aggressive Flirting and Toxic Masculinity

By Katie McShane

With toxic masculinity gaining more and more traction, phrases such as ‘manosphere’ and ‘red-pill’ are entering our vocabulary. Thanks to the popularity of shows such as ‘Adolescence’ and storylines on ‘Eastenders,’ toxic masculinity has moved from an online psyche to a global phenomenon, warning, and fear. Watching these highly dramatised thrillers, it can be easy to forget these ideas of toxicity exist in our day-to-day lives, despite the real-world examples they’re based on. Toxic masculinity can appear in many different ways, including especially at university level, through ‘Aggressive flirting’.

‘Aggressive flirting’ is a phrase I am using here to describe a form of male peacocking by insulting, threatening, or annoying their intended target, hereby and traditionally being a young woman. It’s an idea that has grown and expanded throughout recent years. From the early views that boys only pick on girls in the schoolyard “because he likes you,” an idea that now strikes contention not just from feminist communities but a wider global audience.

Take, hypothetically; I am sitting in the Student Union bar with a group of my friends when a group of lads across from us begins to hurl ice in our direction. No amount of nasty looks, or questioning stops them, until we actually start getting hit with pieces. This is when our ‘peacock’ approaches. He arrives over, hands up, pleading for our forgiveness before turning conspiratorially to the one boy amongst our group. This is when his main aim becomes clear, and he begins to try to chat us up. This is only one example of what ‘aggressive flirting’ might look like – a grown-up version of schoolyard taunts. Something that continues into university, when young toxic masculinity, due to naivety or poor example, is strengthened rather than discouraged.

But what actually moves this phenomenon from a general annoyance to something aggressive or violent. Well, whenever our example ‘peacock’ doesn’t get the reaction, he imagined it can ‘ruffle his feathers’ so to speak. He turns and walks away muttering expletives aimed towards us, or he stands up and blocks our way, or he raises his voice; any number of threatening actions that are aimed at scaring, embarrassing, or upsetting us. This is the kind of behaviour that, may not necessarily lead to, but tends and inspires towards the actions we see in those thrillers.

I noticed another pattern of toxic flirting appearing on the ‘Holylands Spotted’ Instagram page. Stories of boys shooting fireworks into post boxes filled the chat and then there was a mention that supposedly they had been targeting “pretty girls”. This claim further reinforced my idea that in the sphere of toxic masculinity, attraction and violence are interlinked. Especially when it was reported that threatening notes had been posted on the doors of intended targets – circling back to that idea of threatening behaviour.

Unfortunatly catcalling is all too common in Belfast and runs along these similar themes. Louth TD Erin McGeehan has recently called for this to be made illegal stating “it is a form of public harassment”, the UK has already introduced legislation against catcalling in 2023. [1] However, despite these progressive changes, catcalling not only exists but is still extremely prevalent – why? It’s down to the deepest attitudes and behaviours I outlined above. We are still living in a society that up until very recently has not only tolerated toxic masculinity but actually celebrated it.

Despite this, there is a growning concern in the media about these ideals. ‘Red pill’ content is finally being spoken about – and more importantly, parents are being warned against boys falling down these rabbit holes young, thanks in part to tv shows and movies reflecting these in their storylines. The more widespread this becomes, and the more people reached, the higher possibility there is of preventing those ideals of toxicity that can become ingrained so easily and so early.

References

1 – Ryan, Olivia. 2025. “Louth TD Says Catcalling Needs to Be Banned – ‘Young Girls and Women Shouldn’t Be Shouted at in Public Spaces.’” Irish Independent. August 21, 2025. https://www.independent.ie/regionals/louth/news/louth-td-says-catcalling-needs-to-be-banned-young-girls-and-women-shouldnt-be-shouted-at-in-public-spaces/a977177606.html.