Am I a Grandma? Conceptualising FOMO and Redefining the ‘Uni Experience’

By Kerryann White

Uni Student or grandmother?

Picture this: It’s a typical night after a long day of class and you are at home, cuddled up under a crocheted blanket, drinking tea with your comfort show on in the background. It’s a seemingly chill night. You take a scroll on the socials, and much to your detriment, the Instagram stories of the people around you resemble something from a Skins episode. Romanticisation is in the air along with the extreme levels of drinking, clubbing and chaos that happens in Belfast during peak term times. 

This sends a chill down your spine, a drop in your stomach, a lump in your throat and you begin to ask yourself: Am I a grandma? Am I doing the ‘uni experience’ all wrong? 

(P.S this is not about shaming those who love a night out, this is just a virtual nod to the homebodies or even potentially the sober warriors out there.)

FOMO – let’s talk about it.

Clinical health psychologist Amy Sullivan defines FOMO as the feeling or perception that other people are having fun and experiencing new things without you, or ultimately living a better life than you. This is a feeling that is certainly not unique in the digital age, we all have the ability to closely monitor the carefully crafted highlights of everyone else’s lives on a 24 hours a day basis.

The anxiety and unease of FOMO can manifest in several ways, may that be a fleeting thought that comes after you view a video of a concert, perhaps a party, or a compulsive urge to consistently update yourself on what other people are doing without you. While you sit alone watching, this feeling can grow much heavier, like a weight hovering over you, and a pressing reminder that you are seemingly outside of the experience and the ‘fun’. The longer this feeling lingers, the more it will chip away at your sense of belonging and the confidence that you once had in the way that you lead your own life. 

When speaking with another student, she expressed “I’ve often felt embarrassed that my interests don’t meet the typical standards of the university experience. On many occasions, FOMO and clubbing culture has led me to believe that I should do things that I don’t particularly enjoy for the sake of not ‘wasting my youth.’” Her words highlight exactly how FOMO doesn’t simply encourage participation, it has the ability to force people into activities that don’t align with them whatsoever, all in the name of chasing an idealised vision of youth.

No one is missing out on FOMO

The thing about FOMO is that it is an incredibly universal experience, it’s a concept that pretty much cuts deep amongst all age groups and stages of life, rather than only between students. The people who post the very stories that trigger you to feel a type of way most likely feel it towards others who post their own highlights. It can be a vicious and unmoving cycle. Given the fact that so many do experience this, to me that is a sign that you aren’t doing anything wrong, you simply care about making memories, forming connections and being human. You want to feel a part of something, to not miss out on any joy or feeling of closeness that is shared between friends or partners, all of which is natural. The challenge here is learning to recognise that these feelings should not and do not have to control you, and you don’t have to change who you are and what you enjoy doing in order to feel fulfilled within uni and onwards. 

So, the ‘uni experience’ that has (for too long) been packaged as late, blurry nights with one too many drinks is only one version, and definitely not everyone’s version. Many students are now choosing to incorporate more of the quieter nights in, may that be a homemade dinner with your flatmates or an evening all alone for self-care and some love island (maybe even a little bit of study). Those moments are just as valid, just as special, and often more in tune with what you truly desire. When seeking more experiences from students, a postgrad reflected to me “as someone who chose a quieter way to live, especially within the intensity of final year, I look back at that version of myself with kindness. I feel grateful that I didn’t often give into the pull of FOMO, and I stayed true to what I needed at that time.” 

Ultimately, I urge you all to be careful with handling what others claim to make up a ‘proper’ student life. You only get these few years to be the young and free students that you currently are, and it is far too valuable to be wasted living according to someone else’s checklist. Whether you feel best on the dancefloor, in a local café, doing fun activities with friends or expanding on your personal hobby and  creativeness, follow that gut instinct. You are making memories, still living to the fullest, and it could just be the reason you look back on this era and feel proud to have made it yours. 

References 

Bigley II, J. 2023. “FOMO Is Real: How the Fear of Missing Out Affects Your Health.” Health Essentials, Cleveland Clinic, August 23, 2023. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/understanding-fomo