Top 10 Reasons Why I Didn’t Attend My Lecture Today

By Ellen Lundy

Welcome to the whimsical world of Queen’s University Belfast, where students navigate the fine line between academia and adventure. Each day brings a fresh array of excuses for skipping lectures, ranging from the noble to the downright absurd. Join me as I list my top ten excuses for skipping lectures, as the line between fantasy and reality blurs in the pursuit of procrastination. Brace yourselves for a journey through the quirky landscape of student life at Queen’s.

1. Supporting Local Businesses: Instead of attending my morning lecture, I valiantly embarked on a mission to boost the economy by supporting local businesses.

Translation: I went shopping and splurged on unnecessary items, convincing myself it was a noble cause.

2. Heading International Peace Talks: Today, I selflessly dedicated my time to fostering peace talks in a deeply divided society.

Translation: I attempted to diffuse tensions over who drank the last of the milk in our 3-bed house in The Holylands.

3. Communing with the Dead: In a quest for enlightenment, I immersed myself in the mystical world of psychics, hoping to connect with spirits from beyond.

Translation: I stumbled upon a random psychic’s TikTok begging for readings and spent hours speculating about my future, while procrastinating on my assignments.

4. Venturing to Narnia: Embarking on an epic journey of wonder and intrigue, I delved into the unknown, traversing through hidden realms akin to a modern-day explorer.

Translation: I took a leisurely stroll to Botanic, convincing myself that the scenic route was a transformative experience parallel to stepping through a wardrobe into Narnia.

5. Investigating the Moon Landing: Driven by curiosity, I travelled far and wide, assuming a new identity and erasing all evidence of who I once was, in order to uncover the truth behind the moon landing.

Translation: I spent hours watching conspiracy documentaries on my sister’s Netflix account, indulging in wild speculations instead of attending my philosophy lecture.

6. Excavating Untouched Land: Engaging in a noble pursuit of environmental conservation, I dedicated my morning to excavating a land long lost through the cruelness of time.

Translation: I attempted to tidy my bedroom, excavating through piles of clothes and textbooks, uncovering forgotten treasures including old sweet wrappers and lost socks.

7. Dancing with the Devil: Fearlessly embracing new challenges, I found myself in a tantalising tango with the devil himself; each eight-count forging a battle between good and evil.

Translation: I awkwardly stumbled through tango lessons in the Lanyon on Valentines Day, inadvertently stepping on my partner’s toes, all while convincing myself it was a productive use of my time.

8. Leading an Army into Battle: With courage and determination, I led my fellow comrades into battle, as our shear will and resolve carried us to victory.

Translation: I reluctantly trudged through the morning walk down the Malone Road with my 3 flatmates, ridiculously hungover, dodging rain showers and battling the intrusive thoughts to return to bed.

9. Competing in the Olympic Games: Channelling my inner athlete, I embarked on a rigorous training regimen in the company of fellow world class athletes, as I work toward my aspiration of competing in the Olympic Games.

Translation: I half-heartedly exercised at the Queen’s PEC gym, spending more time scrolling through TikTok than actually breaking a sweat.

10. Reconnecting with an Old Friend: Seeking solace and comfort, I reunited with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Translation: I succumbed to the irresistible allure of my cozy bed, opting for a morning of blissful procrastination over attending my lecture.

In the grand tapestry of student life, sometimes the most fantastical excuses arise from the simplest of desires – the desire to embrace the freedom of choice. To indulge in moments of leisure, and to defy the mundane constraints of everyday responsibilities. So, the next time you find yourself concocting elaborate excuses for skipping lectures, remember: the journey to self-discovery often begins with a well-crafted excuse and a dash of imagination.

Edited by Fleur Howe