“Take off your bras and burn’em – you can let him Burnham”
By Caitlín Small
Andy Burnham is the hot new piece of ass in the House of Commons; everyone, line up for a slice.
He seems to be posed as the saving grace to end a long, long lineage of PMs who have been ridiculed for their lack of looks, humour and general likeability. This is objective, naturally, (judging online discourse, an indisputable source), and it became clear to me as I was listening to “The Rest is Entertainment” podcast, where the hosts spent the bulk of the show debating whether Burnham was an “indie kid” or was posing. All I could think the entire time was “Who actually gives a %!*&”.
I do not care if my PM keeps it lemon, whether he fancies Jarvis Cocker or if he stuck up a beautiful poster of Liam Gallagher above his pubescent bedframe. What made matters worse was that they included a specific disclaimer stating that his politics would not be discussed. Well, it’s a terrible shame he’s not got a residency DJ’ing in someone’s back garden in Leeds, where his special talents can be put to use. Talents which are clearly more important than his impending role of quite literally leading a nation.
It is not lost on me that the purpose of this podcast is to discuss entertainment or culture, and not so much politics. However, what is concerning is the growing trend of humanising and infantilising leaders.
This week, Burnham was heckled in the House of Commons that he isn’t the second coming of “The Messiah”, which is appearing less true by the day, considering he is the well-established “King of the North”. It appears his media characterisation is the antithesis of the treatment Boris Johnson notably received, resembling that of a buffoon with a silly hairstyle. Burnham, on the other hand, is well-groomed and handsome, and carries a northern charm that has been presented as iconoclastic to the uppity airs typically housed with No.10.
Chips and gravy does not a good man make, however.
He is not “one of us”. His rise to power is not an inspiring story that we can too achieve. The PM is not your mate. The person holding that title loses relatability once in a position to enable an ongoing genocide, never mind refusing to even acknowledge it as a genocide to begin with.
Burnham has, reports say, requested James Purnell, the ex-chair of the Labour Friends of Israel lobbying group, as his incoming chief of staff [1]. The pair are long-established peers, even sharing an office during the Blair era. It is entirely questionable, then, how this dynamic duo will be compatible in the office.
Burnham has notably called for the nationalisation of Thames Water [2], whilst Purnell, previous CEO of Flint Global, worked hand in hand with the private company, probably advising them just how much raw sewage they could get away with dumping into the river.
It’s questionable how seriously we can take anything that leaves Burnham’s mouth now. The champion of the commoner with a corporate lobbyist whispering sweet nothings into his ear the entire time… it is, at the very least, insulting.
Goodbye, France, hello, Paris.
Then again, it is equally as true that a win against Reform is a win overall. We’ll unfortunately have to take the slightly less evil politician, it seems.
References
