QUB Discovers the Criminal Cancellation Theorem

With ex-Whitla bust statue driving the theorem

Hey Belfasters, The Hood is pleased to share that Queen’s University has discovered a new mathematical equation! 

If x = paedophile, And y = war criminal, then a(x + y )= 0 

But b(x) ≠ 0, and a(y) = 0. 

The department behind the discovery has kindly shared their own real-life example of this theory in practice: Bill Clinton, represented by a, is both a war criminal and alleged paedophile, yet the University continues to sustain Hilary Clinton’s role as Chancellor of the University. But, the University has cut ties with George Mitchell (represented by b), by removing his bust from the premises for being an alleged paedophile and not a war criminal. Therefore, paedophilia can only be cancelled out by war crimes according to Queen’s tested theorem. 

One theorist has even suggested that there is a link between the monarchy and paedophilia following Andrew Mountbatten’s arrest and investigation due to his connections to Epstein, but the university has decided to cut their funding for “scheduling conflicts”. 

Seems like a complicated and difficult equation with many errors, but The Hood did fail their maths GCSEs… 

***** 

A reminder to all to keep your eyes and ears open, and if you see something, report it to the Hood. All tips remain anonymous.