Carrie Bradshaw is Tonight’s Biggest Loser – Female Friendship, Sex and the City, and that Vogue Article

By Ana Lazarut 

In my flat, watching Sex and The City is a ritual shared between women – a way to de-stress and unwind after long days of studying and keeping up with never-ending coursework. We sit and laugh together, enjoying a glass of wine whilst catching up with Carrie, Charlotte. Miranda, and Samantha’s lives, along with each other’s triumphs and defeats of the day. Sex and the City is more than just a silly sitcom made for the masses; it is a bonding experience between women. Or, at least, it was.  

After reading Chanté Joseph’s Vogue article titled ‘Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?’. I, like many other women, began to question my own “blind allegiance to heterosexuality” [1], analysing the most minute moments of conversations and interactions I had had with women. In true Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I had suddenly come to the realisation that men are intruding into every aspect of my life – even my cathartic Sex and the City viewings! 

An instance of such an intrusion is when I showed up to a society event at Queen’s University Belfast. I had finally drawn enough courage within myself to show up in a new place, make new friends, and put myself out there. As I walk into the room, I notice that there are only women present, so I begin to get a little bit more comfortable, and I strike up a conversation with a girl: I say hello and ask for her name, and she does the same and asks where I’m from. Then, after I answer her, I get asked in this room full of women – Do you have a boyfriend? I am taken aback, and I answer truthfully that I do have a boyfriend. And much to my disappointment, that is what the conversation remains concerned with until I manage to interrupt and change topics. 

Was I embarrassed of my relationship? Absolutely not. What I was uncomfortable with, was the fact that my own identity was reduced to a man that was not even there, and at the fact I did not want to seem too into him. In other words, I did not want to be uncool because I knew that I did not need a man, or my relation to a man, to determine such a thing. All these things are discussed in the viral Vogue article, highlighting that the sentiment that it is “fundamentally uncool to be boyfriend girl” [1] is shared across the Atlantic. Ultimately, I have no desire to be the Carrie Bradshaw of any group, polluting the air with my What About Mr. Big? -ism.  

Although Sex and the City itself has its own problems which deserve their own space to be fully addressed, it still shows the exact thing that both Chanté Joseph and I are talking about – women are sick and tired of hearing about men all the time. And no wonder, when all Carrie ever seems to talk to her closest friends about is Mr. Big, the man who subjects her to a sadistic humiliation ritual every single episode. Miranda, although concerned with finding a life-partner gives attention to her career, Charlotte, another successful gallery owner is concerned with getting married, whereas Samantha, a real estate agent, keeps it fun as she is characterized by her sexual desires. All these women, although clearly affluent, are still concerned with men, and the importance these men can give their seemingly lacklustre lives. Carrie, however, is the worst of all, as she does not possess the self-respect the other women do, constantly subjecting herself to Mr. Big’s whims, which she is aware of herself. She would give great speeches like in Season 2, episode 12 of Sex and the City, telling Mr. Big to leave her alone as he lacks any “basic human decency” [2], but would return right back to him. Every. Single. Time. Perhaps my frustration comes from a rooted fear that I will become her, that I will remain a resident of “Boyfriend Land” [1] whilst everybody else moves on, and that we all are Carrie, constantly returning to those who hurt us most for the chance of being held one last time. Or maybe, I am simply sick of being surrounded by women whom I love and celebrating that feeling yet still having to hear about a man.  

So, as I am sitting on my couch with my best friend, surrounded by female friendship both in real life and on screen, I come to the sudden realisation that all we are doing is watching women talk to each other about men. And I become dejected thinking about the fact that most of my conversations (with friends or strangers), revolve around men. Clearly, every space which women try to be free of the patriarchy becomes infested with unwanted men whilst simultaneously accommodating them in any way possible. I do not want to be Carrie Bradshaw, but I am afraid too many of us already are.   

Sources

[1] Joseph, Chanté, Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?, Vogue, https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now Accessed 11/11/2025 

[2] Sex and The City, Season 2 Episode 12, (1999), DVD.