Letter: Europe Is a Joke
By A.A. Byron
A month or so ago, I was listening to my daily batch of misery—the news— when I heard a Rachel Reeves clone (Bridget Phillipson) discussing the then-new peace deal in the Middle East. To my shock, she would go on to tell her Sky News interviewer that the UK Government actually helped secure the peace in the Middle East. One may ponder, isn’t this Bob Cut-wearing part of the same government, who acted against Israel (and America) in recognising a Palestinian State? Yes, she is. How does that even help achieve peace in anyway? Excellent question. Which in fairness to Phillipson, she doesn’t hide the mystery. The interviewer for Sky News would go onto say that, actually, America, who negotiated this peace deal said that Britain made it worse. When referring to Israel and recognising Palestine, she simply said: ‘It was the right thing to do, and as a government, we will always act in that manner.’ How pathetic. What’s worse is, I’m not fully sure if it’s the most pathetic thing that Britain, or Europe as a whole has done on the world stage. It is so painful to watch those so far up their own asses, act like smug, holier than thou preachers, with no real power. The world shouldn’t see Europe this way, unfortunately, given Gallup’s data points to a median 62% support [1] for the EU as a political bloc. This means we must endure their brainless preaches on the world stage. For now, I shall remind you dear viewer, of the stupidity of the European mindset on the world stage.
Let me take you dear reader, back to May, when the UK government handed over a former colony to Mauritius. Wait- sorry. They actually paid £3.4 billion [2], to maintain a base, and then handed over the Islands. Why? They did this as they feared… an advisory opinion from the UN. The Gown newspaper is a more respectable institution than the United Nations. Also, just a fun tidbit to consider, dear reader, while you reflect on where the UK governments truly lie: the ‘fiscal blackhole’ the Chancellor keeps trying to fill ranges anywhere between £4 billion to 50 billion.
This should be enough for one to put their hand to their face, but that’s not all, dear reader. Next, I take you not far into the future, into October of this year, when a case against 2 Chinese spies were dropped. It’s not uncommon for Spies to be brought charges, it is incredibly uncommon for their charges to be dropped the way these charges were. The Prime Minister explained that China wasn’t classified as a national threat, so that’s why the cases were dropped. Many have reacted and called out the governments weakness on China, including opposition Leader Kemi Badenoch, who found time in her busy schedule of naps and clash of clans, to make declare that Starmer is sucking up to China. A fair and accurate statement as the UK government does appear to be relying on the Chinese for some form of financial backing, as they have the economic understanding of a horse on heroin.
There is an additional issue, located in London. No – it’s not the race-baiting mayor, or the crime, or the failures of community integration. The issue I’m referring to is the supposed Chinese ‘super embassy’, an embassy theorised by some journalists to be China’s *real* goal, desiring it to dig down into London to harvest data and gain further control over financial and intelligence sectors. Now, after telling you all this dear leader, do you really care about the British opinion on the world stage? The current government’s only talent is portraying submission, to Donald Trump, to China and to anyone on a boat between France and Britain. I don’t know a single thing Starmer won’t submit to, given his current immigration policy, I fear his reaction to a suburban mother relaxing on a pool floatie, he’d likely book the closest hotel (with your money, of course.) for her, prepare his cabal of human rights lawyers out of fear she’ll be deported and calls anyone who questions it racist or sexist.
Finally, I shall bring you to mainland Europe, where the energy policy has been a joke. In 2018, Donald Trump addressed the UN General Assembly, saying that countries in Europe were completely reliant on Russian oil, and that it would destroy them. They laughed. He was right. Countries like Germany relied almost completely on Russian oil, and after the Russian invasion of Ukraine, they were punished for it. Germany was forced to return to coal, and Europe experienced higher energy prices and black outs. This would make one believe, that a countries in Europe should re-evaluate their domestic energy policy. Did they learn their lessons? Of course not. In fact, they environmental regulations which are killing the energy industry in Europe, is attempted to being exported beyond. The implications of such would lead to America buying windmills from… China. Excellent and well thought out policies from our friends in Europe.
I may go on about the failures of European energy policy, Germany’s failure to nuclearise in a way that France has, their obsession with a climate change at the expense of their own industry and more bad policies than could ever be listed in one article. However, I will briefly address another elephant in the room. Europe is a slacker on the world stage. Countries like France talk a big game about what they’re doing when making their little speeches at the UN, but they contribute nothing. Prior to the raising of Minimum Defence Spending in NATO, countries like France spent less than 2%. As a partner, they were less reliable than countries like Greece, Albania and Bulgaria. Yet the fact they demand to be taken seriously is ridiculous. I almost feel bad for saying ‘Europe’ as a whole, because countries like Poland have been consistent, and should be praised as such.
As a new rule, Europe on the world stage is beyond simple descriptions, it’s sheer arrogance and smugness cannot be taken lightly, and their leaders must be reminded of what they are. They are preachy, naïve and proudly useless. They freeload defence of their allies while acting like a great power. They push energy policies which are ineffective in their own country and would be disastrous if spread further and they believe moral posturing and declarations of strength can save the world. It can’t. They must be taught so. It’s reasonable to disagree on wars, climate, or energy policy — but the delusion that Europe’s sermons and self congratulations will solve the world’s problems is what truly damns it. It’s a mix of a Geopolitical Nightmare and a Circus. The sooner Europe realises what a joke it’s become, the better chance it has of becoming serious again. If not, they will die a black comedy death.
References
[1] Vigers, B. (2025). “EU Member States Show Strong Support for Brussels”. Gallup, 12 Mar 2025. https://news.gallup.com/poll/657860/member-states-show-strong-support-brussels.aspx
[2] Courea, E., Elgot, J. (2025). “UK signs £3.4bn deal to cede sovereignty over Chagos Islands to Mauritius”. The Guardian, 22 May 2025. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/may/22/high-court-judge-blocks-uk-from-concluding-chagos-islands-deal
