Holylands Students Told to Brace for Groundbreaking “Outdoor” Fireworks
By The Fish
It’s Halloween, and you know the images. It’s midterms and pumpkins, costumes either half-arsed or spectacular, and the usual pyrotechnic spectacle of fireworks in the landing of a decrepit, mouldy student flat in the ‘lands.
It is a long-running student tradition: a thrown firework through a postbox or a kitchen door, a mixture of panic and laughter, the occasional fire alarm, and a viral-yet-lambasted clip on @holylands.spotted.
Local students are now awaiting a new, innovative idea: “outdoor” fireworks, whereby the firework is both thrown and exploded outside, creating a wonderous, skylit illumination.
Interestingly, when fireworks were invented in 11th-century Song China, they were actually intended to be used outside. To Holylands students the notion of the outdoor firework is a new one, given the long standing tradition – almost a creed – of indoor displays.
It is unclear how many Holylands citizens expect to convert to the vastness of the streets, with the innovation not packaged with a “bombs away!”, a fire alarm or an “eviction(?)” warning from the landlord. This innovation will no doubt prove beneficial to the poor receivers of the occasional “post box”, but may instead prove loud for the dogs and “light up the sky” instead of an Agincourt hallway.
Written 29 Oct 2025.
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