Long-Term Relationships in College: Are They Really That Impossible?
By Heidi Kidd
Growing up, our generation was bombarded with bittersweet teen rom-coms that focused on the switch from ‘high-school’ to college life. The climax of these movies usually centred on whether or not the apprehensive teenage couple would survive. The Perks of Being a Wallflower and To All the Boys I Loved Before are prime examples of this trope (Jenny Han if you’re reading this you changed my life). Generally, the couple split, and it created the sentiment that to go to college, you had to be single. If you were in a relationship, you were automatically boring and naïve. This Hollywood approach to young adult relationships has bled into our own formative years across the pond. I want to find out if this trope of tragic teenage love is really the case.
In my own flat, 4 out of 5 of my flat mates are in long term relationships (thank goodness flat-cest is out of the question). Out of those four, 3 are long distance (yes, the one person not in a relationship gets very salty when we’re yapping about our significant others). Regardless in a long-term relationship myself, I ironically find myself taken aback when I hear of the other couples that are surviving (and thriving) university. Despite being surrounded with people in very happy relationships, I have witnessed fresher’s week causing catastrophes on the fidelity of Queen’s young people – Limelight I’m looking at you.
Why the scepticism?
Attending university is often a pivotal moment for most students. It’s their first time having a taste of true freedom; cooking their own meals, going out as much as they please, discovering the agony of budgeting etc. People tend to try figure out what direction their life is going in. This means that students tend to experiment in a variety of ways, and some people believe a relationship can hinder that, whether it began before or after beginning university.
Some interesting stats…
According to Yugo in 2023 [1] the main reason pre-existing relationships don’t last in college is due to the abundance of new potential partners, and the appeal of new and unique people. You are presented with a ridiculous amount of single people, who are definitely ready to mingle, which can make your long-term, long-distance relationship not as appetizing as it once was. They also report that the lack of intimacy contributed to the deterioration of these relationships. The balancing of academic and social goals also can impact couples, and it can be difficult to organize time to spend together when you have conflicting timetables and priorities.
According to Online Divorce [2] 60% of students who have previous dating experience tend to be more capable of maintaining steady relationships, which shows the benefits of engaging in dating in your adolescent years. Online divorce [2] also reports that relationships that start in your early twenties last on average four times longer than those started at 15, which maybe says more about maturity levels than dating expertise.
Key factors to not losing that spark
Online Divorce [2] says that according to their research, college couples with high levels of support, intimacy and selflessness have a higher chance of passing that one-year milestone than those lacking said qualities, depicting the importance of emotional intelligence and maturity as a young person entering long term relationships.
Here are some key points when it comes to maintaining your bond with your SO, because it’s not just about physical attraction, real relationships take dedication and work to stand the test of time.
- Talk every day.
- Whether it’s a quick text displaying your affection for them or a 4-hour long facetime until the wee hours of the morning, make sure you put in effort to talk to your beau.
- Don’t get relationship advice from Insta reels.
- I beg you, from the bottom of my heart, to not let those random Instagram posts with incorrect statistics dishearten you. Don’t let strangers on the internet tell you what’s right and wrong in a relationship, instead communicate!
- Lead your own life.
- It’s too easy to let your partner become the be all and end all of your life. Remember, it’s your life too and you only have a few years of college to enjoy. Make the most of it, without relying on your partner for your every happiness.
- Trust your partner – no matter how hard it is.
- When there is distance between you and your lover it’s very easy to fall into a tragic pattern of extreme overthinking – if it was an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medallist. However, you’ve got to try your best to put your trust in them, no matter how hard it is. It takes time and effort to make it work.
- Organize dates!
- With technology, it makes dating long distance so much easier. You can facetime, watch movies simultaneously and so much more. Put in the effort and take the time out to organize spending time with your special person, whether online or finding a time to meet up in person.
To sum it up, it really is just a personal experience. Some couples are meant to last, some aren’t. It’s not a one size fits all situation. Everyone will have their own unique romantic experiences during university. Just because the movies present relationships as more of a struggle than a joy, doesn’t mean yours has to be one.
Sources
[1] Yugo. 2023. “University Relationship Statistics 2023.” Yugo 2024. Yugo. 2023. https://yugo.com/en-gb/university-relationship-statistics-2023-591714.
[2] “How Many College Relationships Last? | Latest Statistics and Facts.” https://www.onlinedivorce.com/blog/how-many-college-relationships-last/.
